The Gossip Check: Finding the Line Between Healthy Connection and Harmful Talk
Mariah and Monique unpack why we gossip, what it says about us, and how to keep it kind.
Gossip gets a bad reputation, but in this episode of Heart and Soul, Mariah and Monique make the case that it isn’t all bad. They start from an honest place: everyone gossips, including the most self-aware among us, and there’s no shame in admitting it. What matters is the relationship we have with it. Over the course of the conversation, they build a practical framework for telling the difference between talk that brings people closer and talk that quietly tears them apart.
Episode Highlights
Gossip, venting, processing, and sharing information are different things, and the why behind them matters most.
We gossip to connect, to get perspective, to feel validated, out of curiosity, and sometimes for pure entertainment. Comparison and jealousy are where it starts to turn.
Create a safe container. Tell the person why you’re sharing and what you need from them.
When someone shares something with you, ask what they’re comfortable with you passing on.
If the story is about someone’s downfall, look inward. Celebrating someone’s win is a whole different thing.
Run the gossip checks. Is it true? Is it mine to share? Why am I sharing it? Would I say it if they were standing right here?
At work and in families, clear boundaries around what gets shared keep things from turning toxic.
Why Do People Gossip? The Psychology Behind Talking About Others
Humans are naturally curious, and the hosts point out that this curiosity goes back to survival. Our brains are wired to scan for threats and opportunities, and knowing what’s happening in other people’s lives has long been part of that. Gossip also meets real emotional needs like bonding with a friend, getting validation that we’re not “cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs,” or simply being entertained. Recognizing which need is driving the conversation is the first step toward a healthier relationship with it.
Healthy Gossip vs. Unhealthy Gossip: How to Tell the Difference
Not all talk about other people is gossip. Venting, processing a situation, and sharing information each serve a different purpose, and the hosts note that many of us never learned where one ends and the next begins. A simple test emerged: if the story celebrates someone’s success, it likely leans healthy, and if it centers on someone’s downfall, that’s a red flag. The other telltale sign is how you feel afterward. If you walk away feeling drained or a little icky, the conversation probably crossed a line.
How to Share Someone Else’s Story Without Breaking Trust
When you need outside perspective on a situation involving someone else, framing makes all the difference. The hosts suggest naming your purpose up front with something like “I want to share this so you can help me understand,” and asking the listener to keep it between you. When someone shares news with you, it’s wise to ask what they’re comfortable with you passing along. As the hosts discuss, asking permission is one of the easiest ways to turn a potentially unhealthy exchange into a respectful one.
What Your Gossip Habits Reveal About Your Own Insecurities
One of the most compelling parts of the episode is the idea that gossip often works like a mirror. If you constantly criticize how someone dresses, their relationship drama, or their business struggles, it may point to an insecurity of your own in that same area. Being fascinated by everyone else’s business can also be a way of avoiding your own. The hosts encourage listeners to use those moments as a chance for self-awareness rather than self-judgment.
Gossip Check Questions to Ask Before You Share
Mariah and Monique offer a quick mental checklist anyone can run before passing something along:
Is it true, or am I playing the telephone game?
Is this mine to share?
Why am I sharing it: to process, to connect, or for entertainment and judgment?
Would I say this the same way if the person were standing right here?
Is this conversation helping me, or pulling me into someone else’s energy?
How to Handle Gossip in the Workplace and Within Families
Mariah shares how she addresses gossip with every new employee, because unhealthy talk spreading through a team is toxic. Her rule is that nothing about clients, vendors, or coworkers gets discussed on the sales floor or at an event, and real concerns get taken back to the office and handled productively. Her management team also asks a clear question when information comes in: what does the team actually need to know? The same principle applies to families, where unspoken rules about sharing can vary wildly and where curiosity, rather than shame, is often the best way to ask someone why they’re telling you something.
Notable Quotes
“Gossip is neither good nor bad. It has a role and a purpose in life.”
“No matter how evolved of a person you are, you gossip.”
“I’m seeking your perspective because I trust you.”
“Is this something I would say if the person was standing right here?”
“Am I talking about this person because I need help, or because I want an audience?”
“Sometimes the person that we’re talking about isn’t the person we’re actually talking about.”
“What’s happening when I’m spending my time focusing on how someone else is living versus me living my life?”
“Keep the entertainment value with the celebrities.”
All Heart & Soul's Details:
Website: www.heartandsoulmastermind.com
Join the mastermind program: www.heartandsoulmastermind.com/heartsoul
Say hi to Mariah on Instagram: @mariahmckechnie
Say hi to Monique on Instagram: @moniqueforcier
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